dear mom,
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 5:06PM 
Today I feel "busted". A word I picked up from a seven year old boy named Jaxon. I was picking Jaxon and his little sister Lola up from school one day and Jaxon jumped in my back seat, buckled his seatbelt, and profoundly stated that "my car is busted"! What he meant is my car is in poor condition through long and hard use, and lack of care. I told him, "yep, we bought it like this because we couldn't afford anything better, and don't believe in having car payments". The response was a little over his head but who knows maybe not.
I don't usually use this blog to share my times of distress, but I feel like being real and talking about the hard times today. I swear I have felt all the emotions already of trying to start my own company and basically it feels like I am starting a company with 10 people but 9 people never show up to work, so that leaves just me. There is so much to juggle and I am constantly having to edit my schedule and remain hopeful for higher productivity tomorrow. Out of survival I have had to prioritize my life and forgive myself often for neglecting maintenance around the house. All my sunglasses are cheep and always bent up and crooked. Our lawn hasn't been mowed in over 6 months, we are getting flyers at our door step for lawn services. Our lawn mover is broken. Our Christmas tree is at least out of our house but hasn't made it all the way to the curb. Grey rabbit has started to pee on my rug, a lot. The big worry I have recently is the fact that I need about a half acre of land to farm, but not sure when or where or if that will happen this year. I could go on but that's probably enough to relate to what I'm feeling.
Chap is a great husband, but he has also developed into a great source of knowledge on start-up businesses. His main advise has been to keep creating and making. He said that the biggest mistake new business make is investing all their time in the administrative details. It's so easy to be distracted by all that stuff because it is important. Though, the actual work produced is the backbone, and if the work is strong than people become interested, and the branding will evolve naturally.
The truth is when I feel stuck I look to my vision of the future and think about my mortality. I remind myself that I believe in what I am doing, and feel passionate about growing natural dyes and nontraditional quilting. In the botanic dye field I have only heard about a handful of pioneers, and I admire them all. The majority of them are all 60+years, no longer living, or located in India. This fact gives me the sense that I have a duty to fulfill, by educating and sharing the craft and folklore with my generation, and the ones to follow.
Reader Comments (6)
Girl keep at it. Your passions are unmatched by most and your creativity and resourcefulness are pretty much tops. Give yourself a break. I'm sure you're working tremendously hard and I'm so proud of what you have accomplished so far! Things will reveal themselves to you in due course. I love you girl and wish for all good things for you and Chap!
Sorry about Grey. Pets can do these things and it's frustrating.
Sending love and light your way and hoping for continued illumination! I love you. Read Steering By Starlight by Martha Beck. Kisses!
Maura, thanks for sharing this.
I know how hard it feels sometimes (most of the time). At the same time, I also understand how motivating it feels when it comes to the higher purpose we feel with doing what we're doing. I'm so proud that you're doing for you're doing. Give yourself some credit for stepping up - most never do. It might not get easier... but all of us are here cheering you on.
I really enjoyed our chats too and you always make me feel better. If you ever just need a sounding board or some hugs, please come visit Hackberry. We can make some tea / smoothie and just take a mini break.
<3
maura,
what an amazing post. thanks so much for the honesty. i can definitely relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed as a small business owner-- and it does seem like the mundane tasks, although important, can quickly take over (sending this email, checking that account, listing this product in an online store). chap's a smart one though, and that's good advice. not to mention you are so absolutely talented, and your passion & creativity are conveyed through your work. you inspire me (i really wished we lived closer!). keep following your dreams and your passions. xo, allison
maura, i will echo the above sentiments: thanks for keeping it real. i always love reading http://www.sweetfineday.com/ for that very reason: she shares both the struggles and triumphs of being small business owners and balancing life and family and work. i think some of the hardest things i've been trying to learn is to have self-empathy with myself, to respect my own limits, and to take care of myself (and/or let others take care of me)! i know you and chap will take care of each other and help each other grow personally and professionally!
Thank you all for your response, I am more than encouraged my them, it gave me extra strength this week to amp up my production! Again, I can't thank you more for being great friends and supporters. Relationships are a key to inner happiness and thank you for being a part in my life.
love to you all