Today I feel "busted". A word I picked up from a seven year old boy named Jaxon. I was picking Jaxon and his little sister Lola up from school one day and Jaxon jumped in my back seat, buckled his seatbelt, and profoundly stated that "my car is busted"! What he meant is my car is in poor condition through long and hard use, and lack of care. I told him, "yep, we bought it like this because we couldn't afford anything better, and don't believe in having car payments". The response was a little over his head but who knows maybe not.
I don't usually use this blog to share my times of distress, but I feel like being real and talking about the hard times today. I swear I have felt all the emotions already of trying to start my own company and basically it feels like I am starting a company with 10 people but 9 people never show up to work, so that leaves just me. There is so much to juggle and I am constantly having to edit my schedule and remain hopeful for higher productivity tomorrow. Out of survival I have had to prioritize my life and forgive myself often for neglecting maintenance around the house. All my sunglasses are cheep and always bent up and crooked. Our lawn hasn't been mowed in over 6 months, we are getting flyers at our door step for lawn services. Our lawn mover is broken. Our Christmas tree is at least out of our house but hasn't made it all the way to the curb. Grey rabbit has started to pee on my rug, a lot. The big worry I have recently is the fact that I need about a half acre of land to farm, but not sure when or where or if that will happen this year. I could go on but that's probably enough to relate to what I'm feeling.
Chap is a great husband, but he has also developed into a great source of knowledge on start-up businesses. His main advise has been to keep creating and making. He said that the biggest mistake new business make is investing all their time in the administrative details. It's so easy to be distracted by all that stuff because it is important. Though, the actual work produced is the backbone, and if the work is strong than people become interested, and the branding will evolve naturally.
The truth is when I feel stuck I look to my vision of the future and think about my mortality. I remind myself that I believe in what I am doing, and feel passionate about growing natural dyes and nontraditional quilting. In the botanic dye field I have only heard about a handful of pioneers, and I admire them all. The majority of them are all 60+years, no longer living, or located in India. This fact gives me the sense that I have a duty to fulfill, by educating and sharing the craft and folklore with my generation, and the ones to follow.